


Security Protocols

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-08
Updated: 2007-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 15:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At 4am this morning, Rodney McKay killed himself...and he needs John's help to make sure it doesn't happen again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Security Protocols

**Author's Note:**

> Winner of the **Media West 2007 FAN Q Award** \- Stargate Atlantis slash category.
> 
> L.E McMurray asked...Can someone please write a story using this as the opening line? _At 4am this morning, Rodney McKay killed himself._ Originally written for the excellent SGA zine **2 Ocean View**.

"At 4 am this morning, Rodney McKay killed himself." Zelenka sighed. "And if he does it again when we make attempt tonight then we will have to abandon work on this particular project."

"So, what's the problem? Why isn't it working?" John asked.

"Rodney."

"Rodney?"

"Yes. Rodney. Rodney is problem. He is too tense. He is anticipating link too much...that it becomes intense pain. He must relax into mental link and let Atlantis take control. Then he would be fine."

John tried to prevent the twitch of his lips at the very thought of Rodney giving up control of anything. The last time he was persuaded to do so had almost cost him his life when Cadman's conflicting thoughts had vied for control of his body after he had 'opened the door' at Heightmeyer's request. When John considered the abuse Cadman had put Rodney's body through during those few days, he could hardly blame him for being reticent now. Rodney might not be in top physical shape, perhaps a little pudgy around the middle but it was _his_ body after all, the casing that housed his most precious possession--his brain.

However, being persuaded into giving up control of his body was one thing but his mind was something else entirely. Rodney saw his incredible mind as his one and only true asset, and the only reason why anyone would want him around. Without it, he felt as if he had nothing to offer.

Which wasn't true but try convincing Rodney of that, John thought.

The man felt he had to prove his worth every minute of every day, if not by showing everyone what he was capable of doing then at least by proclaiming his brilliance to all and sundry at every opportunity. Of course, most people simply rolled their eyes at the proclamation but, deep down they all knew he was simply stating the undeniable truth. Yet, following the events on Doranda, he had been a little subdued, no longer so sure of himself after that disaster.

For all of a week, John thought maliciously before smiling wryly for even Rodney's worst was better than some of the other scientists' moments of brilliance. Yet for all Rodney's bluster and amazing ability with technology, his true failing was his lack of confidence in himself--as a person. Stick a machine in his hands and he would be pulling it apart to see how it worked and then putting it back together again even better than before with amazing dexterity--Doranda excluded. Yet stand him in a room at a social function and he was a total klutz, tripping over his feet and tongue. John had no doubt that this was where the current problem lay.

What if Rodney can't give up control to Atlantis? he mused.

"And I can't run this simulation because...?"

"Needs more than ATA gene. Needs genius mind with mental knowledge of control pathways." Zelenka glanced up from his laptop, peering over the top of his glasses looking apologetic. "Sorry."

John grimaced. When the _Daedalus_ arrived with a ZPM during the siege, all manner of subsystems had come online once it was initialized. However, one particular security subsystem had caught Rodney's attention and, under the circumstances, John could understand why. If this system had been operational several months earlier then Dumais, Hays, and several other scientists might still be alive today. This subsystem controlled the protocols for all the laboratories on Atlantis and if that protocol had been operating back then, no one would have been able to enter the damaged sector where the nanovirus had broken free. From what John could recall from the briefing, this subsystem knew the existence of every single laboratory and, once activated, would instantly apply a default setting of lockdown against each one that it could not verify as safe from its internal sensors.

He knew Rodney and Zelenka had been working on this subsystem since discovering the additional control panel in a previously hidden recess within the ZPM room. However, the problem facing Rodney was that this particular subsystem needed more than just the standard initialization; it needed an administrator to interface with it too. Rodney had activated the system with ease, requiring just a simple touch and an ON thought but, once activated, the system began methodically locking down vast sections of the city, almost trapping several small parties of explorers. Lorne's group had barely managed to squeeze through the closing bulkhead, ditching vital research and expensive equipment in their haste to clear the area.

Those scientists were still smarting over the loss but John had backed Lorne's decision completely. Research could be redone and equipment could be replaced but not people; they had lost too many people since the start of this expedition to debate that issue.

Zelenka continued on with frustration evident in his voice.

"On further study of the subsystem, we discovered that the protocols had keyed themselves to the person who had initialized the system--Rodney--and so far, all attempts to rectify situation have failed. Although it is simple for Rodney to make corrections and override lockdowns now..."

"Well that should please Lorne's irate scientists."

"...No one else has same privileges. The mental component has resisted all attempts to reset system to allow other administrators physical access, leaving Rodney as only access. If he can relax control and allow city to guide his mind through the mental protocols attached to the subsystem then he can override this part of the system so that others, such as myself and Dr. Simpson, can handle the system too."

John raised both eyebrows. "And he can't do this because?"

"There is pain involved and--"

"And Rodney doesn't do so good with pain."

"Exactly."

Still, at least this problem was Rodney's rather than his. Yet it could have so easily been his problem for until recently, Rodney would call upon him to activate Ancient technology no matter that he had the gene too. However, John had noticed a decline in Rodney's need for his services as the scientist's control of the gene strengthened, and as Rodney's confidence in his ATA ability grew along with that control. He smirked because most people confused Rodney's arrogance with his confidence and, to be sure, he was extremely confident and, hence, he could be extremely arrogant concerning much of his work. However, John had learned that this same arrogance concealed Rodney's fear when facing the unknown. The knack lay in knowing which was which, and in this lay the conundrum that most never even noticed let alone tried to figure out.

In the early days, it had been hard to judge what lay behind the arrogance and bluster--confidence or the lack of it--but John had been through a lot with Rodney since they first stepped through the Stargate. He had seen him at his best, working under near impossible conditions to bring them through the siege of Atlantis, and he had seen Rodney at his worst, with most of a solar system paying the price for his fear of failure.

With a frown, John wondered if that still-too-recent disaster was the reason why Rodney was having a harder time dealing with the ATA gene now. Yet, Rodney had been willing enough to mesh his mind with the Aurora, entering the virtual reality to save him, so why not mesh with Atlantis? After all, he knew the city far better than any one else alive.

Well, better than any other existing corporeal life forms anyway, John added.

His thoughts returned to the current problem and how it might affect Atlantis--and him in particular.

Being the head scientist, being brilliant and having greater control over the gene made Rodney even more indispensable to the city. It affected the organization of off-world missions and often left John with far too much time spent in Atlantis coordinating the information received from the other teams...and he had never been one for paperwork. Not that Elizabeth was complaining. Quite the opposite. Of course, he could simply replace Rodney on his team with a slightly less important scientist--like Simpson--but even Ronon had overcome his irritation with Rodney's eccentricities and expressed a certain amount of respect for the astrophysicist's expertise in getting them out of sticky situations, especially if there was any technology involved, which begged the question...

"And if you and Rodney can't get this to work then...?"

"Then Rodney will continue to be only one able to access Atlantis security protocols. Next time Atlantis goes into city-wide lockdown, only Rodney will be able to unlock the computer."

John sighed, finally making sense of the heated debate he had overheard coming from Elizabeth's office yesterday between Elizabeth and the two head scientists.

"So," John drawled, "Elizabeth will insist on him staying within the relative safety of the city, not wanting to risk him on offworld missions." John stared at Zelenka, deep in thought. "Now, perverse as it may sound, I kind of need him on these missions but why are you so...put out by this?"

"Science department needs for Rodney to go on these missions too, occasionally. Too much Rodney is not good for morale...unless under imminent threat of Wraith attack, in which case, there is too little to go round."

John bit back a smile, recalling the frazzled look of the scientists from the last time Rodney had stayed on Atlantis for several weeks without a break after sustaining an injury off-world. He could be a bit of a tyrant, bullying his people into working harder and faster, having little tolerance for their errors or _bad_ theories. Most cowered beneath the threat of a McKay tongue-lashing, dreading his eagle eyes alighting upon them when they made a really stupid, fundamental mistake--in Rodney's eyes. However, although most grumbled about him, all of them reluctantly admitted that he was rarely wrong in his assessments. Basically, Rodney could just about tolerate ignorance but not stupidity, and had already sent two consistent offenders back to Earth on-board the _Daedalus_.

Of course, the arguments between Rodney and Zelenka were almost as legendary as those between Rodney and Kavanagh, though for entirely different reasons. Zelenka was almost Rodney's equal and their arguments often led to amazing new developments whereas Kavanagh was an idiot in Rodney's eyes. Unfortunately, Rodney had no valid reason for sending him back to Earth as Kavanagh's idiocy was a personality trait rather than a problem with his work.

Much like Rodney's, John muttered under his breath but John would rather put up with Rodney's eccentricities than Kavanagh's any day of the week.

Still, Kavanagh had left of his own accord after the siege but, like the proverbial bad penny, he had turned up again on-board the _Daedalus_ on the last run. Having driven most of the science area insane during his three weeks back on Atlantis, John could only hope that the scare he received from Ronon had been enough to convince Kavanagh to go back to Earth and stay there permanently this time.

John shuddered, recalling from the case files how close it had come to Kavanagh being the Chief Scientist of the Atlantis Expedition. The British and their Commonwealth partners, along with the Russians, had insisted that an international expedition should not consist of a solely American leadership. Offering up Rodney McKay, a Canadian, as Chief Scientist had placated America's allies in the Stargate program. Though, in truth, Rodney should have been offered the position as a matter of course because he was by far the best candidate--outside of Colonel Samantha Carter, who had respectfully turned down the job. Still, there were those who were not best pleased to see Rodney assigned to Atlantis.

According to Elizabeth, the Russians had become too used to having Rodney around, with his work on the naquadah generators and data compression routines bringing them amazing leaps forward within their own part of the Stargate program. Losing his genius on a potentially suicidal mission to another galaxy had not gone down well and they had almost fought for Kavanagh to be the Chief Scientific Advisor after all.

Although a respected scientist in his field, Kavanagh was far too pedantic and narrow-minded to deal effectively with the breadth of different sciences brought along to Atlantis. He held only scorn for those in other disciplines, finding little reason to even note their existence until some of their knowledge was needed in his work, which was a rarity. In contrast, even though Rodney held little outward respect for the so-called squishy sciences, he did treat them all equally, allotting the resources fairly and taking the time to read and acknowledge their reports.

That attention to detail, coupled with a willingness to look outside the box for solutions, had been instrumental in saving the lives of the expedition when Atlantis was exposed to the nanovirus. Had it been left to Kavanagh then John suspected the only people still standing now would be those with the ATA gene.

John shuddered anew, recalling all the times when the only thing standing between the expedition and certain death was the size of Rodney McKay's brain and ego. Who else could have thought to rig the hyperdrive engine of the _Orion_ to fire within a 4.1 second window, taking them from certain death into orbit around the stricken planet? And who else could have activated and installed the ZPM with only seconds to spare as hundreds of Wraith darts began a kamikaze dive upon the defenseless city?

That thought made John frown as he recalled the two soldiers sent to escort Rodney during the siege--and who would have lost him to the Wraith had Teyla not arrived at an opportune moment. Perhaps it was time he cut them a little slack and took them off kitchen clean-up duties, he mused.

"So, what do you suggest?" John asked, knowing Zelenka would not have called him here if he did not already have a plan.

"You are his friend, yes? First, you must ensure he has no more coffee today."

"That is not going to get him to relax. McKay without coffee is like...well, I don't think I need to spell that out," he added with a grimace.

"Agreed, but coffee also makes him..." Zelenka seemed to fumble with the words for a moment, "...Bounce off walls."

John snorted. "Point taken. So we need to take him off the stims and..." he grinned, "Athosian stew."

Zelenka began to grin too as they both recalled the way it had sent Rodney into a very mellow mood that bordered on stupidly drunk and yet left him remarkably clear headed afterwards. Beckett commented that something in the stew must have reacted with Rodney's system and acted like an inhibition remover. The whole episode had been comical; right up until Rodney made a pass at one of Beckett's medics who happened to be both pretty and blond. John was sure she had not meant to punch Rodney that hard, and certainly not in the face either, but she let fly with her fist just as he leaned over to check out her...assets. The shiner was a beaut and, better yet, Rodney had no memory of what had happened so John took great delight in teasing him still.

Fortunately for Rodney, he was not the only one so affected and the incident became just one among a whole list for that day, quickly forgotten by all except those who liked to tease the brilliant but socially inept scientist.

Zelenka's smile faded. "Is it ethical?

"Drugging Rodney?" His smile faded. "Nah."

Zelenka's face fell. "Not even for very small amount?"

John shook his head. Comical or not, if Beckett or Elizabeth ever found out then they would have him up on charges, and deservedly so. The memory of Rodney jacked up on the Wraith enzyme--and almost dying when he went through withdrawal--was still too fresh in their memories. John winced inwardly, having witnessed the effects of withdrawal on Ford on-board the hive ship.

"Guess we'll have to think of something else."

"Sex," Zelenka stated.

"Are you offering?" John said lightly but his eyes narrowed as he shoved down viciously on the spike of anger that stabbed into his chest at the very thought of Zelenka touching Rodney in a sexual way.

Zelenka's eyes went wide with shock and he shook his head vigorously while John bit back on another smile as the constriction in his chest eased.

Silently, he wondered when he had become so possessive of his scientist, able to tolerate the attention of women with Rodney but not men...with the exception of the beautiful head scientist on Taranis, he thought, recalling how pathetic Rodney had been around Norena. He had hated the way she distracted Rodney, putting that glazed look into his eyes and getting him tongue-tied between bouts of total panic and sarcasm. Fortunately, John had known exactly how to remedy that situation--with a little flirting of his own to take her sights off Rodney.

Still, his reaction made little sense because it was not as if he had any plans to start a relationship with Rodney. After all, Rodney was not his type though, admittedly, he liked his partners to have greater than average intelligence...but he also preferred them to have curves in all the right places too, with neat little bottoms and pert breasts. Didn't he?

He thought about Neera, the beautiful Wraith worshiper who had almost lured him in, recalling how easy it was to reject her advances because his thoughts had all been on Rodney, wondering how Ford's men were treating him in their absence, and afraid for what they might do to him once they realized Ford might not be coming back. The enzyme had made all of them a little too aggressive for John's liking and Rodney had a habit of running off at the mouth, inviting trouble. Even when Neera snuggled up to him for warmth, he thought of Rodney and what he would give for it to be Rodney pressed up against his side.

Zelenka was eyeing him strangely now and John wondered if he had taken a little too long thinking about Rodney and sex in the same sentence.

"Just making sure you weren't offering...but sex might not be such a bad idea. Isn't he sort of dating that botanist?"

Zelenka's eyes widened again but this time with excitement. "YES!" But then he frowned. "Perhaps not, I think. He has made no mention of her these last weeks." His lips tightened in resolve as if that did not matter. "Unimportant. We go tell her she must have sex with Rodney for good of Atlantis. Before tonight."

That pang of jealousy stabbed at John again and, suddenly, even the idea of Katie Brown with her hands on Rodney felt wrong too.

"How about _you_ go tell her while I alert Beckett that he's about to get a patient? Namely you."

"Is not a good idea then?"

"No. If she doesn't hit you then Rodney would as soon as he finds out...and we both need to work with him."

Zelenka nodded thoughtfully, seeming to see the logic in that. "Then what do you suggest?"

"Just plain, honest to goodness alcohol. You know he has a low tolerance for the stuff so a single glass would be enough for him to chill out and still leave him relatively clear headed."

"No. No. No. Even half a glass could be too much for Rodney. Remember disastrous Christmas party."

John gave a mental shudder as he recalled spending half the evening trying to stop Rodney from tormenting an equally drunk but far more aggressive Kavanagh. Maybe he ought to mention to Zelenka that some of the Marines had spiked the punch hoping to put a little more atmosphere into the room, unaware that others--namely Zelenka--had already had the same idea before them. Two mugs of the supposedly mild punch and most of the scientists became insensible or belligerent--Rodney and Kavanagh in particular.

"So we're back to sex."

Zelenka sighed. "It would be worth broken nose."

Except John had a perverse and incredible urge to punch Katie Brown in the nose instead if she so much as breathed on Rodney, let alone had sex with him. He shook his head slightly, wondering where all these strange thoughts were coming from. He refused to admit that he had been feeling more and more protective and possessive of Rodney with each passing month despite attempts to distance himself from the other man.

"Teyla." John snapped his fingers.

Zelenka went round-eyed with shock. "You will tell Teyla to have sex with Rodney?"

John swallowed hard, imagining her reaction. He knew she was holding back in their training sessions and John did not want to find out exactly how much. More than just a bruised ego could be at stake. Plus, he did not want her with Rodney any more than he could tolerate the thought of Katie Brown with McKay.

"No," he drawled. "I was thinking more along the lines of her Zen techniques."

He saw Zelenka give a huge sigh of relief. "Yes...yes. That could work."

***

"Go away. I'm bus-- Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

Teyla raised an eyebrow, silently wondering why she agreed to this because the only time she had ever seen Rodney still was when he was unconscious. Even asleep he seemed to toss and turn, mumbling strange and meaningless words, letters, and numbers under his breath. After dozens of overnight missions, she had learned to filter out both his weird night time murmurings and the way he snuffled like a small child, only intervening with a gentle nudge on the few occasions when the mumbling turned to louder ranting as if he was arguing with someone else in his head.

She watched him closely now as his focus went straight back to the complex diagram on the screen on his laptop. She had never met anyone with so much pent up energy, though not necessarily of the physical kind. He was a self-proclaimed genius and no one refuted it except in jest, but neither did they admit to it out loud, not wanting to add fuel to feed his already massive ego. Except, Teyla knew that his claims were not simply _wind through the trees_ because she had seen the evidence of his brilliance too often for it to be denied.

Word was spreading too, from those who had encountered the new inhabitants of the Ancient city. The Genii had tried to spread distrust in order to gain allies but from what Teyla had seen, most of their intended allies felt awed instead. The strangers from another galaxy might have stirred up the Wraith early but they had also brought hope with them, hope that the millennia of cullings might come to an end so that the people of the Pegasus galaxy might regain their former glory and rise from the ashes of their distant ancestors once more.

Several times of late, she had gone on solo missions to trade with people known to the Athosians, only for them to make mention of the Atlanteans and their amazing scientists. Many seemed to know their names, with Sheppard and McKay's names in particular falling from their lips. Their eyes held open admiration tinged with desperation as they outlined the plight of their people in the hope that the city dwellers could lend their incredible expertise to solve the problems that existed beyond even that of the Wraith.

Even after the seeming destruction of Atlantis, many personal trades on behalf of the Athosian people continued to fall through for they wanted what she did not have to trade--full access to the great minds from Atlantis. However, if she felt the plight needy enough, she would take it to Dr. Weir and, other times, she would drop it into conversations with those who might best supply an answer...mostly Rodney, who seemed to have so much knowledge at his fingertips.

She smiled wryly. She never tried to hide her intentions but had learned to avoid 'boring him with the details'. He really did not seem to care why someone was having a problem, only that the problem existed. Many saw that attitude as self-centered and rude but Teyla understood more than she let on. She knew he had difficulty dealing with people on both an intellectual and emotional level.

Intellectually, there were few who could come close to matching him outside of Carson, Weir, Zelenka, and strangely enough, John Sheppard.

Emotionally, Teyla had seen more maturity in a six-year-old child and wondered if the burden of his intellect from a young and impressionable age had left him without peers for his social and emotional development. Yet, in the year since first meeting with him, he had grown emotionally with his childish immaturity revealed only under the more extreme circumstances, such as the fear of imminent death upon the volcano world.

"Well? Busy!" he snapped when she did not speak straight away.

Teyla looked at him sternly and saw him flush with embarrassment, no doubt recalling that she had another defense lesson to impart to him shortly. More than once she had made him pay for his insolent tone with several whacks from her fighting sticks on his slightly padded rump. She had to admit, though, that he had lost a lot of the softness caused by a sedentary lifestyle since joining the off-world team. In the early days he could barely keep up, complaining out of very real fatigue when forced to walk long distances with the heavy pack on his shoulders. Now, he merely complained because it was force of habit.

"Colonel Sheppard mentioned that you might benefit from learning some relaxation techniques."

"Colonel Sheppard obviously has too much time on his hands whereas I am busy."

"Perhaps...but he seemed genuinely concerned--"

"I don't have time to relax. I have to work to do," he stated, with his fingers rapidly moving over the keys again, eyes no longer paying her any attention.

"Rodney." She stated his name firmly and placed a hand upon one tense shoulder; he gave an exaggerated sigh of annoyance, throwing up his hands.

"Fine," he stated. "Let's all go sit in a circle repeating mantras for the next hour while the city slowly implodes from lack of maintenance."

Teyla could not resist, twitching her lips at his petulant display while she watched him power down his laptop before swiveling around on his chair. His lips were thinned with displeasure but Teyla saw beyond that facade instantly. She could see that he was tired and tense, with lines of stress and worry marring an otherwise handsome face. Staring at him, she was drawn once more into the incredibly blue eyes, sensing as well as seeing the amazing intelligence lying within. She smiled and saw his shoulders slump in defeat as he ran a hand through fine, mid-brown hair that was kept short and utilitarian.

She raised an eyebrow when he continued to sit there watching her as if expecting her to start something here and now. His next words confirmed her suspicion.

"Well?"

"Are you ready to leave?"

He frowned, looking around the room in confusion and it dawned on her that he actually thought his laboratory was an acceptable place for a relaxation session. Her eyes passed over the busy shelves and benches, seeing the blinking lights of equipment, hearing the fans cooling the computers and the soft warning beeps from diagnostic programs. Perhaps, to Rodney, this was a sanctuary most of the time, a place where he had an illusion of control but, right now, this place would only remind him of his failure to meld with the great city.

John had mentioned the importance of tonight's attempt, and not just for Atlantis but for the team as well. If Rodney could not push past his fear of the link then she would lose yet another of her team. She missed Aiden even though Ronon was proving to be strong and resourceful. Though she had forgiven Ronon for using her and trusted him to watch her back, she still had personal issues to settle with him following the murder of Kell. In contrast, Rodney might not be a soldier or warrior but she knew she could trust him to defend her to the best of his abilities. Perhaps he would never be as good a fighter as even Jinto, but his heart was in the right place and he showed far more courage than many of the other scientists brought to Atlantis. He had faced situations that would make even the bravest man cower and he had the scars to prove it; too many scars both physical and mental. She had seen the knife wound on his arm, inflicted by Kolya and she had witnessed his pain and suffering at the hands of the Olesian prisoners as they sought to persuade him to do their bidding through physical violence, both real and imagined.

However, it was the mental scars that she sought to soothe this day, hoping that she could ease his mind enough for him to trust in himself and in Atlantis. Teyla considered herself to be an observant person, reading people and places with an ease that had let her down on but a few occasions in her life. She had allowed her father's memory of the Genii to cloud her judgment with them but she was far more certain of her feelings on Atlantis. She did not believe the city wanted to hurt Rodney, but the blood of the Ancients running within his veins had weakened over the many generations existing between the old and new city dwellers. It had weakened to the point where he had needed the gene therapy to reactivate the ATA gene in his body where others, such as John and Carson, had a stronger link to their ancestral past.

The city loved her children. This she sensed with what she now believed was the Wraith part of her heritage.

John was the favorite child but Teyla sensed that Rodney was equally loved because his was the mind Atlantis touched the most. Where John would walk around the city with but a subliminal awareness of its being, using his natural ability to open doors or activate occasional pieces of Ancient technology, Rodney interfaced with the city daily, finding ways and means to repair the Ancient systems that surrounded them. He breathed life back into the great city.

No. She was certain that Atlantis did not mean to cause him pain but if John and Dr. Zelenka were correct then Rodney was fighting against her. He needed to relax and allow the great city to guide him.

Her eyes finished their sweep around the laboratory, one eyebrow rising. With another sigh, he pushed off from his chair and beckoned her to lead the way. Teyla already had a place in mind, prepared earlier, and they arrived a few minutes later.

"Sit," she said gently, indicating towards the long, comfortably padded sleeping mat she had placed on the floor earlier.

"There?"

He looked aghast but her stern look had him muttering as he dropped ungainly to the mat, squirming around as he tried to get into a comfortable seated position. She waited patiently until he stopped fidgeting, having lowered herself to the other end of the mat, facing him. Smiling serenely, she hoped her air of calmness would filter into him but as soon as his body stopped moving, his eyes began to check around the room, his fingers drumming against his thigh.

"Rodney?"

She drew his attention back to her and he looked momentarily surprised to see her sitting opposite him. Inwardly, she sighed. He saw so much of the world around him and yet he registered so little. If she placed a blindfold over his eyes at this precise moment, he would be able to tell her details of the room; its dimensions, light sources, possible hidden panels, the pattern and color of glass in the window. However, he would not be able to tell her the color of her skirt or even how many people were in the room with them.

Teyla flashed her eyes towards the beautiful stained glass panel that hid a small alcove. The flicker of movement had revealed a familiar outline of face and, in particular, hair. If she listened carefully, she could hear John's soft breathing beneath Rodney's more rapid, huffy breaths. For a moment she considered ignoring John's presence but anything she achieved with Rodney would be wiped out the instant he finally noticed their audience of one, possibly increasing his tension rather than putting him at ease. Taking a deep breath of her own, she decided it would be better for her to get John into the open now so Rodney did not end up embarrassed and feeling ridiculed later.

"Perhaps you would care to join us...John."

She saw Rodney's eyes widen. The startling deep blue always reminded her of a beautiful wildflower once found on her home world of Athos. Sheepishly, John stepped out from behind the screen.

"Hey Rodney, Teyla."

"What are you doing here?"

Rodney's accusatory tone filled the air and John had the decency to look chagrined at being caught, but Teyla held no sympathy for him as he should have known better than to try and hide from her. Like Ronon, she had survived the Wraith using her skills as a warrior and trusting in her instincts. However, the fact that she had caught him was not as great a source of concern to her than that he was here at all. Why had he been hiding in this room? She hoped he had not come to pry on Rodney with a view to mocking him at a later date, though she deemed that unlikely as she recalled the genuine concern in John's eyes when he approached her earlier after she returned from the mainland, asking her to help Rodney. Looking at him carefully, Teyla smiled, recognizing the reason he was here and knowing that John Sheppard would deny it vehemently if challenged. He was here because he worried about Rodney. He was here because he wanted to ensure that Rodney was going to be fine, unable to stop his instinctive need to protect Rodney from whatever two galaxies could throw at his best friend.

"Please sit with us," she offered, extending one hand to indicate a space at the side of the mat that would make him the third point of a triangle, but he hesitated.

Teyla knew that John was still angry at his pettiness that had pushed Rodney away after Rodney proved that he was all too human--and hence fallible--on Doranda. The ensuing weeks had been uncomfortable for them all as Rodney tried his best to bridge the chasm between them, and Teyla had never been so angry with John as when she discovered why he was deliberately snubbing his friend. Life in the Pegasus galaxy could be brutal and could be cut short at any moment from any number of disasters from disease to Wraith culling. Wasting precious moments of a unique and wondrous friendship over such pettiness was nonsensical and she had said as much to John once she realized the true reason that had caused the rift between the two friends. Her thoughts returned to that day just a scant week after she learned what Rodney had done in some misguided notion that he could save her, John, and Ronon through his actions.

She had watched Ford's right hand man, Kanayo, suffer and die on-board the hive ship, unable to do anything to alleviate his symptoms as the enzyme left his body. She had felt the physical cravings from within her own body as she suffered withdrawal but it was obvious that the small amount she had ingested over those few days was not enough to cause more than a terrible discomfort in her and Ronon, so she could only imagine the suffering Rodney had gone through as the enzyme broke down in his system. Rodney had taken a massive dose, almost as much as the initial dose unintentionally flooding into Aiden when the Wraith died while feeding. Taking such a high dosage of the Wraith enzyme had almost killed Rodney and he would have died if Dr. Beckett had not stayed by his side constantly during the terrible withdrawal.

Yet when they arrived back on Atlantis having escaped the hive ship in a dart, John had shown barely any concern for his team mate and friend, not even asking after Rodney until they had reached the infirmary. To her dismay, she had made no such inquiry of his fate either, with her thoughts too fragile from the enzyme breaking down in her system to think clearly. Her last sight of Rodney had been watching Ford's men manhandle him away as insurance for John's good behavior. Her next sight of him was in the infirmary, where he seemed fine and yet more subdued than usual. On reflection, his eyes had held a weariness that she had not seen in them since the siege of Atlantis when the lack of sleep and reliance on stimulants had kept him going until they had fended off the Wraith; then he had crashed. For many days following that event, he had looked pale and wan with his bright, intelligent eyes dulled by debilitating fatigue. In hindsight, he looked very much the same when he met them in the infirmary despite his attempt to appear perfectly fine.

Only later did they learn of what he had done to affect his escape and of the hours where his life had hung in the balance.

Although John had made no outward appearance of concern for the well being of his friend, Teyla had seen through the nonchalance. She had seen within John's soul what he refused to reveal upon his face and in the tone of his voice. She had read the genuine fear for Rodney that he would not allow to show; saw him making excuses for being close to Rodney that implied distrust rather than an all consuming need to ensure Rodney was, indeed, fine after his brush with death and Wraith enzyme addiction.

She sighed. Her instincts led her to believe that there could be far more than platonic friendship between these two men should they ever set aside their fears and acknowledge the emotions that ran deeper, transcending gender. They loved each other, and that was plain to see for anyone who cared to look into each man's heart, though she willingly admitted that few tried for both had shields that prevented such closeness. Rodney's shield lay in his abrasive attitude, arrogance, and in his massive ego, which kept most people at arm's length, whereas John hid behind the laconic image that reflected back what a person wanted to see, hiding the deep, turbulent water beneath the still surface. Yet, time and again, she had seen past the images they portrayed, looking deep into the core of each man and finding in each the inner beauty of two disjointed souls that belonged together to make a whole.

After several days without any sign of John dealing with his inner turmoil, she had approached him during one of their training sessions...

***

"Life in this galaxy is too fragile and too short to waste in petty recriminations," she stated softly but firmly, recalling her own truce with Ronon after his abuse of her trust, using her to get to Kell. Fortunately, John did not pretend that he did not understand what she was talking about or she would have shown him no quarter when next they sparred.

"He destroyed practically a whole solar system. He asked me to trust him, and he let me down...badly."

"That is not the reason for your anger with him."

"You don't think a trust issue is a bad enough reason for--"

"You trust him still. As do I."

He fell silent for a moment and she thought he might deny her words. "Fine...so what do you think is the issue here?"

"He could have died."

"We both could have died on Doranda, and being beholden to Caldwell for saving my ass...AGAIN...is not exactly what I had in mind--"

"You are angry with yourself for not protecting him on Doranda."

"I'm not angry with myself. I'm angry with Rodney. He should have--"

"Stopped being who and what he is?" Teyla had offered a wry smile. "You and I are both aware of his tendency to focus on the task at hand with a single-mindedness that--"

"Bloody-mindedness," John had exclaimed. Then he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up at even odder angles, before letting out a deep breath and slumping to a seat close by. "I knew things weren't going right and I should have reined him in sooner. Elizabeth warned me but I didn't listen." He looked up at Teyla. "I wanted to believe in him. I wanted to see this Arcturus weapon kicking the Wraiths' ass."

"You wanted him to provide you with the means to assuage your guilt at waking the Wraith." She paused, letting that sink in. "But your need placed him in danger, and now you are angry for not protecting him from himself."

He grimaced, eyes guilty, and she could see that her words had struck a chord within him. "When you put it like that..."

He did not need to complete the sentence and Teyla nodded politely before turning away. Although she wanted to say more, to make him realize the true depth of his concern for Rodney, she had said her piece and now it was time for John to think it through...

***

Teyla's thoughts came back to the present. John's outward attitude towards Rodney had warmed soon after but Rodney's fear of failure lingered on, bringing them to this latest crisis within the city that only Rodney could resolve. She smiled as John ran a hand through his hair, recognizing the nervous gesture as momentary indecision. Yet, with sudden clarity she knew who and what Rodney needed in order to find the courage to allow Atlantis inside his mind, and it was not her or her meditation techniques. He needed John's trust and approval, needed his strength and his love. Rising gracefully, she clasped John's elbow as he made his decision and was about to sit, guiding him down into her place opposite Rodney. Both men seemed startled by her actions, staring wide-eyed at each other for a moment before looking to her for guidance.

"I believe you have much to discuss. Alone...and you will not leave this room until you have done so."

Teyla left without a backward glance but did not move far, sinking to the floor a little way along the corridor. If either man came out of the room within the next few minutes, she would block their path and send them straight back in, even if she had to wield her sticks to do it.

***

Rodney stared across at John Sheppard. This was so not where he wanted to be right now.

Traitor, he thought in annoyance as his dick disagreed with him, more than happy to be in Sheppard's presence and perking up considerably at the sight of the handsome man--bordering on beautiful--who sat opposite wearing a soft and almost innocent expression. Rodney associated that expression with indecision. It was the expression Sheppard showed to the world when he was confused by the state of affairs but did not want to give anyone the upper hand or even the slightest impression that he did not have a clue what was going on. It was his default blank setting whereas Rodney knew that his own emotions were probably radiating off his face in buffeting waves. He just hoped that one particular emotion, the one that was making his pants incredibly tight and uncomfortable, was hidden among the myriad of other emotions.

With great difficulty, he tried not to wriggle into a more comfortable position.

Even though Sheppard had seemed to warm to him again over the past weeks, hopefully putting his failure on Doranda far behind them at last, Rodney knew that ice front could hurtle back down between them should Sheppard realize the direction of Rodney's more lustful thoughts. The man was career military after all, and incapable of walking past any attractive female without showing what Rodney considered the wrong type of interest, especially with ascended women, or so it seemed. Certainly, he was not the type of man who would be impressed at being the object of Rodney's infatuation.

"You okay, Rodney?"

"What?"

"You look a little...uncomfortable."

Rodney resisted the urge to squirm as Sheppard leaned forward, his intense gaze fixed upon Rodney, eyes narrowing in concern and that pretty mouth bowing, lips parted softly in concern. He knew he ought to make some grand excuse and leave but the thought of standing, and giving Sheppard an eyeful of the hard on in his pants, was strangely unappealing. The man had a gun after all, and he knew how to use it. Rodney bit back on a strangled moan that had Sheppard on his knees right in front of him.

"Rodney?"

He reached out a hand and laid it on Rodney's shoulder, the heat of his touch flowing through Rodney's thin shirt to sear his flesh, making Rodney shiver before he could control himself. Now Sheppard's face had turned deadly serious as he stared harder into Rodney's face, trying to make him look at him but Rodney could not let that happen. If their eyes met then Sheppard would read every emotion. He would see the naked desire that burned inside of Rodney, a desire he had tried to dampen for fear of seeing it totally extinguished in an icy stare from John.

"I'm fine. Tired." Rodney risked a quick flick of his eyes upwards. "It might have escaped your notice but I've been busy with repairs to the city since the siege. The new ZPM is powering up--"

"I know about the security problem within the city, Rodney."

Rodney froze and, this time, he looked up in surprise. "You do?"

"I have a solution...I think."

Rodney frowned and crossed his arms as John pulled back finally, his tone a little sarcastic. "You do?"

"Seems to me that you need to...meld with the city but--"

"It's not working, and if I can't get it to work tonight then we may as well all pack up and go home."

Sheppard raised his eyebrows. "Are you going to hear me out or what?"

Rodney bristled. "Fine. Go ahead. Let's hear your lame-brained plan."

Sheppard's mouth twitched at the insult but carried on determinedly. "I don't have the necessary knowledge and skill to access the security pathways...and you don't have the coura-- skill to meld with Atlantis."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Oh, thank you for clarifying that because I really didn't have a clue what was going on."

"What if we meld with Atlantis together?"

"Well that's a terrible idea."

"Why?"

"Because...because..." Rodney stumbled around in his thoughts trying to find an excuse, finally snapping his fingers several times when he found one. "Atlantis won't let two in at once."

"Yes she will."

Rodney felt uncomfortable at Sheppard's very positive rebuttal. "I assure you--"

"Zelenka said it should be possible, according to the Ancient database. I could go first and act as a buffer for the pain and then you could use me as a...piggy back to get right into the system."

Rodney knew it was possible and, as solutions went it was very elegant, except for the part that neither had mentioned. Neither of them was a true Ancient so their minds would be fully open to one another. As much as Rodney disliked the idea of having all of Sheppard's puerile, soldier thoughts clouding his pristine intellect, the door swung both ways and all of his thoughts would be shared with Sheppard. ALL of his thoughts, and Rodney doubted he would be able to control his errant, highly charged and sexual thoughts where John Sheppard was concerned.

"Wouldn't work. Neither of us has done this before so--"

"I have."

Rodney stared at Sheppard in disbelief.

"I have," he stressed more strongly, mouth twitching in one corner. "Chaya showed me."

"She did?" Rodney frowned and then looked affronted. "When?"

"Back on the planet, after I followed her she...joined with me."

"You had sex with her even after--"

"No I did not have sex with her. Not in the physical sense anyway."

"What? So you mind fucked with her?"

Sheppard shook his head, deciding not to misconstrue the meaning of that phrase. "We shared a little bit of ourselves. It was cool!" He reached out and placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder, squeezing gently. "It'll work. Trust me."

"No."

Rodney looked away but not before he saw the hurt in Sheppard's eyes from Rodney's verbal slap in the face. Unsurprisingly, guilt flooded through him because he knew exactly what it felt like to have someone you cared about tell you that they no longer trusted you. He wished he could take that single word back but he decided it was far better for Sheppard to believe that this was a trust issue rather than learn the true reason for Rodney's reluctance to merge minds.

"I see."

Rodney could feel Sheppard's eyes burning into him with laser precision and he kept his eyes averted.

"Well, you're going to have to figure out a way to trust me before tonight because I intend to be a part of the next attempt."

He rose to his feet with a gracefulness that Rodney could only envy, striding towards the room's exit only to freeze on the threshold and half turn back to Rodney. A frown creased his forehead and he ran a hand through his unruly hair as he emitted a sigh and turned back fully.

"I have secrets too, Rodney. Things I'm ashamed of, things I'm embarrassed about." He licked his lips nervously. "Some of them...you might not like."

"Such as?" Rodney could not help the belligerence in his tone but he did not want to make this easy on Sheppard. He did not want the man believing that his puerile fantasies of ascended women could in any way match Rodney's deepest, darkest secrets concerning the man standing opposite him.

John sighed heavily and moved back into the room, retaking a seat opposite Rodney. "I've been having thoughts about you, and some of those thoughts have been a little...racy."

Rodney frowned, confused by the term. "Because I'm Canadian?"

"Huh?" Sheppard's eyes widened. "No, not racist...racy." He mumbled a few more words before snorting in self annoyance. "Sexy."

Shock rippled through Rodney. He had expected Sheppard to have plenty of thoughts about him but only in a derogatory sense. Since the beginning they had taken digs at each other and Rodney knew he infuriated Sheppard on occasion. Yet he had also believed they were friends until Doranda. Since then Sheppard had shut him out, constantly pulling him up over minor transgressions, showing no consideration for his lack of military skill and little faith in his academic skills. Admittedly, his attitude towards Rodney had softened over the past weeks but hardly enough to prepare him for Sheppard dropping this bombshell.

"Sexy?"

John looked embarrassed and yet defiant too, raising his chin. "Yes. Sexy."

"Me?"

"I don't see any other Rodneys sitting in this room," he snapped back.

"Okay."

Sheppard's eyes narrowed. "Okay? That's it? I make the revelation of a lifetime and all you can say is _okay_?"

"No...eh...I mean, I've been having..." he tried to describe what he wanted to say with his hands but Rodney couldn't see any light bulbs flashing on inside Sheppard's head. "I think you're sexy too," he blurted out.

"You do, do you?"

"In a manly sort of way," Rodney clarified.

Sheppard leaned back, a smug smile tugging at his lips as if he had known this all along, which was impossible. Okay, unlikely, Rodney amended silently, accepting that very little could be classed as impossible where Sheppard was concerned. The man had a way of turning all his preconceptions on their head, leaving him bewildered.

"Well, I never saw you as anything other than manly too. Though there is that girly scream--"

"I do not scream like a girl," Rodney exclaimed in outrage. "I'm just a little sensitive when facing gun wielding maniacs."

"Hey," Sheppard reached out, voice soft. "Just teasing you, Rodney."

Rodney shrugged back his shoulder. "Yes, well. He was going to kill me."

Sheppard had the grace to look chagrined because they both knew Rodney was referring to Aiden Ford and Rodney's panicked run after shooting at the psychotic Ford. He had screamed at the top of his lungs, firing the remaining bullets from his gun into the air in some desperate hope that someone--anyone--would hear him and reach him before Ford caught up with him. As plans went, it was not one of his best but, fortunately for Rodney, it had worked. As he hung upside down, with Ford casually preparing to slaughter him like some mangy dog, a complete stranger came to his rescue. Ronon Dex was big, dirty, and with dreadlocks concealing his grubby face like some cave dweller and yet, to Rodney, he was a knight in shining armor that day. He saved Rodney's life and, despite all the snarky comments between them since, Rodney would never forget that. However, he had also not forgotten that it was Sheppard's inability to accept that Ford was no longer the baby-faced soldier who followed Sheppard around like an over-eager puppy, which had put him in that deadly predicament in the first place.

"We've both made mistakes," Sheppard stated softly and Rodney knew he was admitting to that particular mistake for the first time. Meeting up with Ford recently and seeing for himself how much the man had changed had finally made an impact on him.

"You're forgiven."

"That's big of you, Rodney," he teased but they both knew how much it meant for that particular wound to be laid open so it could heal properly.

Sheppard's face took on a faraway expression for an instant and Rodney knew that Sheppard had locked the door to the room, feeling the shift in the mechanism within his own mind. He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry as he wondered what Sheppard planned to do to him in privacy but he did not have to wait too long to find out. Sheppard moved back into his personal space, one hand cupping Rodney's face as he leaned in. A moment's hesitation and then their lips were brushing so slightly that they tingled in anticipation of more. Sheppard pulled back and watched him carefully, his intense gaze remaining steady even though it contained a hint of worry.

"You kissed me."

"That's what people do when they both like each other, Rodney," he answered with a tinge of exasperation but Rodney noticed the increase in tension behind the darkening eyes.

Rodney knew that he was not so good at social cues, finding the interactions between others rather daunting on occasion but this time he knew it wasn't some elaborate ruse. Instinctively, he knew Sheppard was not about to burst out laughing, yelling April Fool or some other such nonsense. This was real; Sheppard's feelings, his feelings. All of it was real and the knot of tension inside Rodney's chest unraveled upon a wave of desire and exultation. Not known for his patience, Rodney leaned in, meeting token resistance as Sheppard held his ground before melting into the kiss; a flick of Sheppard's tongue asked permission for more. Rodney's lips parted in acceptance, and he moaned softly as Sheppard pushed inside his mouth, tongue sliding over teeth, touching and tasting. When they pulled back, he watched as Sheppard's tongue licked over kiss swollen lips as if trying to recapture Rodney's taste, and it was the hottest sight Rodney had ever seen in his life; hotter than his memory of Sam Carter giving him a chaste kiss within the corridors of the SGC, and hotter than his memory of his first kiss with April Bingham from algebra club. His own lips tingled with pleasure, sending sparks of desire racing through a body that was already on fire for this man.

Sheppard gave a quirky smile, raising a single eyebrow before gathering up the hem of his black t-shirt and tugging it over his head to gift Rodney with the sight of his bare torso. Dark hair curled densely across his lean but well defined chest; the small, stiffened nipples peaking through the fur. His skin was lightly bronzed, as if he had spent a few hours on a beach soaking up the rays of the sun, with the silver of his dog tags contrasting beautifully, becoming more of an adornment than a soldier's necessity. Sheppard leaned in again, the dog tags jangling as he reached for Rodney's lips once more, sucking on them, and drawing the swollen flesh between gentle teeth as he nibbled softly before plundering Rodney's mouth with his tongue. One hand reached up to cup around the back of Rodney's head, holding him fast to the welcome invasion, while the other insinuated itself between them, stroking over sensitive, cloth-covered nipples before trailing down to grasp the hem of Rodney's shirt. He tugged a few times, drawing up the form-fitting shirt until his hand could work its way beneath the material to the flesh below. Rodney groaned in pleasure as that hand snaked up his chest to toy with a nipple, rubbing and pinching the delicate flesh between thumb and forefinger even as Sheppard continued to lay claim to Rodney's mouth.

At some point, Rodney closed his eyes as the pure sensations rolled over him, and he opened them again when he felt the hot lips part from his, shocked to find he had been maneuvered onto his back with Sheppard above him. A heated gaze bore into him as strong fingers deftly opened Rodney's pants and coaxed them down his legs to mid-thigh, and Rodney gasped as Sheppard--as John--bent over to nuzzle against Rodney's groin, mouthing his hard erection through the thin cotton of his boxers. The hot breath sent shivers of pleasure through him and he gasped as John mouthed the sensitive tip, the strong hands firm on his hips, holding him in place, unable to buck or even wriggle as his body screamed for more.

"Oh Godohgodohgod. Don't stop, don't stop" he heard someone repeating, over and over, barely able to register that it was his own voice distorted by the need filling him, harsh and yet breathy, almost sobbing as his senses overloaded, his hips jerking up awkwardly as his mind soared. Momentary pain tore through him, gone as quickly as it came, leaving his mind lost in a Technicolor blaze of light and the babble of impossible sound until it was safely cocooned within the strong embrace of two other minds, both strangely familiar and both of them spinning through equally familiar pathways into the very heart of Atlantis. The security blanket of John's thoughts enfolded him leaving him unafraid, and he blazed a trail through previously closed pathways, leading them onwards.

Seconds seemed to last a lifetime until, suddenly, he was in free fall, spiraling downwards, and crying out in loss as both the sentience of the city and John's mind slipped away leaving him alone in the shell of his body. He opened his eyes to find John partially collapsed on top of him, their faces a mere inch apart.

"What just happened?" Rodney asked groggily.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" John grimaced, his nose wrinkling up in distaste in a cute way that made Rodney smile. "Damn. I think we both creamed our shorts."

Rodney barely heard him as he started to make sense of the sights and sounds. "I think I did it. I think I--"

"Rodney! We have detected intruder in Atlantis core systems--" Zelenka's voice came loud but tinny over the radio head set that lay beside Rodney's head. He grabbed at it, pulling it on.

"That was me! I did it!" He grinned up at John and saw his words sink in.

"We did it," John added smugly and Rodney glared instinctively before realization set in, the glare softening to a smile.

"Yes. We did it. We accessed--"

"You are in chair room?"

"No, we're in...never mind where we are. Suffice to say, I was able to use Colonel Sheppard's link to Atlantis as a conduit for--"

"Are you both all right?" Elizabeth's worried voice sounded in his ear but John answered for them both, having quickly scrambled for his own previously abandoned head set.

"We're fine, Elizabeth."

"I'd still like both of you to report to the infirmary and let Carson check you over."

"We're fine."

"Humor me."

John looked quizzically at Rodney who mouthed _fifteen minutes_ while tugging at his damp boxers to illustrate the point.

"Okay. We'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Make it ten." The tone of her voice said she would brook no argument but that had never stopped John before.

"How about we compromise on fifteen."

The silence stretched for a few seconds before, ever the diplomat, she agreed. "Okay. Fifteen minutes. But if you--"

"We'll be there in fifteen."

Rodney sighed, almost collapsing in relief as Elizabeth signed off but it was short-lived when he realized it could take him that long to get back to his room and then onwards to the infirmary, leaving little time for a shower and a change of clothes. Plus he still had to get from here to his room without anyone seeing the state of his rumpled and damp clothing.

"Take off your boxers and use them to clean up," John stated.

Rodney saw the sense in that and stripped quickly, wiped himself and redressed without underwear, thrusting the dirty boxers into his pocket. They raced out of the room to find Teyla waiting a little way along the corridor. She opened her mouth to ask what was happening but John cut her off.

"Later!" He called as he raced away with Rodney close behind.

***

Teyla gaped after them. She had waited in case they did not resolve their problem, deciding to intervene if that was the case. What she had not expected was to see them race from the room with a sense of urgency. She cursed the interruption that must have called them both back to their duty within the city of the Ancients, unsurprised that she had not been contacted too. Many problems arose that affected them as head of the military and head of science. Still, she debated on whether to follow them or quickly gather up her mat and take it back to her room. Deciding on the latter, she entered the room and stopped in surprise, a smile spreading across her face as the noticeable scent of male sex tickled her senses. Her smile faltered, even more annoyed by the untimely call to duty that may have ruined the finally spoken and accepted revelation of desire that each man had for the other.

Teyla sighed as she scooped up her possessions. They had taken the first step and she would not allow them to falter upon the next.

***

Carson looked over his two friends carefully, checking vitals and drawing blood for testing but, as far as he could see, both were healthy, relaxed and almost euphoric. He noticed the covert glances they gave each other, more so from Rodney who had not had years of military experience in which to learn how to hide his feelings. Elizabeth had stayed for the first ten minutes, alternating her questions with Radek, though all either man would say was that they were attempting one of Teyla's Zen techniques when it happened.

Carson turned away to hide a happy smile, wondering if Elizabeth was fooled or not, knowing that _it_ was more than a sharing of minds. Those two had been dancing around each other for months with neither willing to admit how much the other meant to them, but Carson had seen it in the subconscious gestures and in the barely managed anger when one was hurt. He had seen it in Rodney's eyes when he thought John had succeeded in his suicide mission during the siege. He had seen the utter bleakness and had made a mental note to catch Rodney when the adrenaline rush of battle and stims finally wore off, and he fell into devastation. Fortunately it had not come to that, for less than a minute later, John's voice was on the radio, calling from the _Daedalus_.

He was happy for them though. He was bloody pleased that they had finally worked it out although he doubted it would stop the anger and the cold shoulder treatment when events conspired against them from time to time. At least they would understand why they hurt so much now, and that would be enough to help them through the worst days ahead. Carson knew there would be bad times to go along with the good, for the Wraith would never give up now they knew of Earth and the billions of _food_ inhabiting the neighboring galaxy. They might still believe that Atlantis was gone, taking with it the gateway direct to Earth, but that would not stop them from looking for other means to cross the vastness of space.

Someone once asked Rodney why the Wraith had not evolved in ten thousand years and Rodney threw back...why should they? Technological advancements came during times of adversity and the Wraith had been top dog in the Pegasus galaxy for all these millennia with no one to rival them. They had no need to continue the march of progress until the Atlantis expedition arrived, giving them a serious threat and showing them a new food source that would expand their empire and appease their hunger.

Carson knew the role he had to play in this war, aware that his morals and ethics might have to take a backseat for the good of the countless billions of humans living within his home galaxy, and in this one. Ever since he arrived in the city and learned of the Wraith, he knew the day would come when he would have to break his oath to do no harm, and he had already crossed that line when he recommended testing the Hoffan drug on a Wraith prisoner.

"Carson? I realize practicing voodoo requires entering a trance-like state but can you do so after you okay our release?"

"Cheeky bugger," Carson grumbled affectionately. "You can both go...but if either of you has any inexplicable headaches or pains then I want you back here right away. Have you got that, Colonel?"

John raised his eyebrows at being singled out but, of the two, he was the one prone to ignoring medical advice, whereas Rodney used any excuse to drop by for a check-up and some reassurance. He waited until he had John's agreement then watched them leave with Zelenka following on behind, still firing technical questions at Rodney.

***

 **Epilogue:**

Radek sank back against his seat, trying to stretch the kinks out of his back from spending too many hours hunched over his laptop and the Ancient controls. He and Rodney had worked through the rest of the evening, checking the stream of data pouring out of the system to ensure that the security protocols had set correctly. Now Rodney would be able to authorize access to the security protocols for others just in case of another lockdown while he was off-world or incapacitated in some way.

Rodney had departed a few minutes earlier to grab a sandwich from the commissary so Radek was surprised when the laboratory door opened again so soon. He swiveled in his seat and relaxed as Colonel Sheppard faltered on the threshold.

"I thought Rodney--"

"He has gone to get food. He should be back in a few minutes."

"Ah," Sheppard replied, knowing that answered all his questions and concerns. "I'll just hang around then."

"Certainly." Radek indicated towards another seat but Sheppard pushed back a laptop and hopped up onto the bench instead. "A happy Rodney McKay is better than miserable one." Radek looked at him slyly. "I hope you will continue to make Rodney happy."

Radek could see the lies building behind the hazel eyes, his hopes falling as he wondered if having sex with Rodney had been just a necessary evil for Sheppard, just to save his team from losing yet another member. Perhaps something had shown in his face because any pretense dropped away, leaving behind the inner core of the man Radek had learned to trust with all their lives.

"He makes me happy too," he replied simply.

Any further discussion fell by the wayside as Rodney bustled in, carrying more than enough sandwiches to feed a small army, yet still looking slightly outraged when John grabbed one from the pile, except the glare had no substance and faded quickly. Radek was not surprised when John drew Rodney away from the lab less than twenty minutes later, hiding his grin as they made their excuses because he knew where they were going and why. He took one last look at his laptop and powered it down. The critical systems were fine, and the rest could wait until morning.

He whistled an old Czech love song as he wandered down the still corridors to his bed.

***

Rodney paused on the threshold of his room, wondering if this was how a girl felt after the first date, except he had already put out once and from the expression on John's face, he knew John wanted more than the half-clothed, heavy petting that had set them on this new path. Feeling a little shy and nervous, he stepped back, giving John space to step by him into the low-lit room. The door closed behind them, the lock engaging with the slightest flicker within his mind. He glanced about the relatively tidy room, not certain where to go from here as this was one of the few times he had made it to a second date.

Most of his previous experience had been one-night stands, picking up someone at a bar and hoping they were not psychotic serial killers or potential stalkers. Meaning nothing to him except for a warm body and a mindless fuck, he had not cared to please them more than enough to get them into bed and then out the door quickly afterwards. The only time he had a problem was when he actually cared about the person because he really did not know what to say to keep them interested in him beyond the sex. Usually he managed to say something really stupid, cursing himself as the door slammed in his face as they left in anger or tears. He dreaded this time being the same because he wanted John Sheppard more than he had wanted any person in his entire life.

"So...do you do this often?"

John narrowed his eyes. "Do what often, Rodney?"

Shit, shit, shit, Rodney thought, realizing he had practically accused John of being a male slut. That was how he lost Penny Braithwaite on the second date, asking if she made a habit of going back to men's apartments. He cringed, expecting John to take on that hurt look followed by anger.

"I didn't mean...I meant..."

"Rodney?"

Strong hands gripped at his shoulders and he looked up. "What?"

"This," was the only reply as John leaned in and kissed him soundly, stealing his breath away and turning Rodney to putty in his hands.

He wrapped his arms tightly around the lean yet obviously masculine frame, hands splayed over a broad, t-shirt clad back, feeling the ripple of well toned muscle as John's hands moved downwards to cup Rodney's ass. Hard fingers dug into the fleshy curves, kneading his ass cheeks, pulling his body into John's until he could feel the hardness of John's erection pushing against his abdomen as John's mouth devoured his.

John dragged his mouth aside. "Too many clothes," he murmured as his hands reached between them, tugging on Rodney's zipper to open his pants before sliding his hands back inside to cup the naked flesh of Rodney's ass cheeks, his mouth claiming Rodney's again.

Rodney agreed as his hands slid under the black t-shirt, pushing it upwards until John got the hint and pulled away. He licked his lips enticingly, hungrily, his smile shaky as he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and removed it with one smooth movement, casting it aside. Eyes, darkened with lust, dropped to the hard flesh tenting the boxers through the opened V of Rodney's pants, making Rodney feel extremely self-conscious.

"Don't forget I've seen you naked," John murmured, reminding Rodney of the days spent in Ford's unwelcome company and how they were forced to share a room and all the facilities leaving little in the way of privacy. Even so Rodney still believed those days were far less intimidating than waking up naked in Cadman's quarters. John stepped forward, his hand cupping Rodney's erection. "You've got nothing to be ashamed of."

"Really?"

John let his actions speak for him as he stepped back and sat down on the bed, pulling off his boots before rising to take off his clean pants and boxers. All Rodney could do was stand and watch, for once totally lost for words until John tilted his head enquiringly, the patent Sheppard smirk tinged with lust snapping Rodney out of his stupor. With some alacrity, he began to tug at one boot, falling onto the edge of the bed as he overbalanced and gaining a soft chuckle from John.

"What?"

"There's no hurry, Rodney. We've got all night."

"Yes, well try telling that to the Genii, the Wraith or anyone else who decides to trigger off an emergency just as I'm about to get laid."

"You got laid earlier."

"Oh, and we saw how long I got to enjoy the afterglow."

John's grin only increased when Rodney's fingers seemed to turn into thumbs as his boot laces refused to co-operate. Rodney swore softly and looked up in startlement as his fingers were swatted away. John was on his knees before him, his steady fingers working through the knots Rodney had made in his frantic attempt to undress quickly. He pulled of the first boot, dropping it aside casually before starting on the next.

"I could get used to this," he whispered, awed by the naked man kneeling at his feet.

"Don't plan on it," he replied flatly but the teasing glint in his eyes as they latched onto Rodney's took away the sting. Hands planted themselves on Rodney's thighs as John leaned in, pushing apart his knees as he began to nuzzle Rodney's erection through the cotton boxers.

Rodney grabbed John's shoulders. "Oh no you don't. Already messed up one pair of boxers today and I have other plans for this."

"For this?" He let the fingers of one hand brush over Rodney's sensitive flesh.

"Yes. This." Rodney waved towards his groin, voice a little unsteady but he knew what he wanted and coming in his boxers for the second time in one day was not part of that plan.

John sank back, grinning widely, with his hands dropping to his own thighs. "Fine by me."

He stood up, drawing Rodney up from the bed and helping him step out of his pants and boxers even as he started to tug on Rodney's shirt, zeroing in on a nipple with tongue and fingers as soon as the sensitive flesh was exposed. Rodney shivered in pleasure, gasping as the amazing sensations shot through him. Rodney hardly noticed being forced back onto the bed with his legs spread around John, instead loving the friction of John's hot body against his groin as John continued to lap and bite at his nipple.

"Ohgoditfeelsgood," Rodney groaned, barely aware of anything but the wet mouth sucking on him until a hand wrapped around the base of his dick. Through slitted eyes, he watched as John pulled back, swallowing hard as John slid fingers into his own luscious mouth before working one spit-covered finger deep inside Rodney, rubbing against his prostate and causing all kinds of dizzying sensations. Rodney knew he was getting close; he could feel the build up of pressure, the screaming demand of his body for just that little more friction, for that one last stroke, and he sobbed when all sensations died, leaving him throbbing with need.

"What are you...? Wha...?"

"Need lube."

"Lube?"

"Wait there."

"As if I'm planning on going anywhere in this state," he yelled out as John started hunting through first the bedside drawer and then the bathroom cabinet. "Top left side. Hand cream."

"That's all you've got?" John called back.

"I don't exactly have the kind of sex life to warrant anything better," he snarked back, falling silent as John appeared at the bathroom door looking drop dead gorgeous with his mussed hair and kiss-swollen lips. Rodney could not help but rake his eyes over the rest of the naked body, whimpering once in longing as he took in the lean, masculine form with soft dark pelt covering his chest and arrowing down to the thatch surrounding the base of his hard erection. Rodney's eyes followed the long thigh muscles down the sturdy, muscular legs--runner's legs--before glancing back up as John moved towards him.

He swallowed hard as John settled back between Rodney's legs, the mattress dipping from his weight, and watched as John scooped out some of the hand cream before stretching over to place the jar on the nightstand. The cream covered fingers felt cool to his overheated flesh but he welcomed the intrusion, spreading his legs wider to give John the access he needed and holding his breath as John lined up against the loosened hole. Muscle gave easily, well prepared by eager fingers yet he still gasped in pain as the thicker bulk of John's cock pushed inwards, stretching muscle and filling him.

Once fully inside, John leaned over and kissed away the tears of pain, knowing they would turn to ones of pleasure once Rodney had adjusted to the fullness of his possession. John waited with more patience than any other lover had ever shown Rodney, planting soft kisses on any available flesh and murmuring sweet endearments until Rodney felt the burn ease.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Been a long time since..."

John nodded and smiled gently, kissing Rodney's lips softly. "We'll take it slow then."

True to his word, he eased in and out with small almost delicate thrusts, rocking slowly into Rodney while his hand stroked Rodney's flagging erection back to full hardness. Release, when it came, was just as languid, gently rolling over Rodney and sending both body and mind spinning away in a sense of euphoria. Once more he felt the warmth of John's thoughts enfolding him, along with the less familiar but almost welcome sense of the city surrounding them, protecting them. He floated back into his own body with a contented sigh, his sweat soaked limbs still wrapped around John's legs, holding his lover close. Strong fingers brushed through his hair, petting him gently as John leaned in to stake his claim upon Rodney's lips once more.

With a less than gentle nudge, forcing an, "OOF!" from John, Rodney forced his lover to shift to one side to ease the weight upon his body, silently wondering how anyone so lean could feel so heavy.

"You could have just asked," John complained but the arm slung casually over Rodney's waist implied that it was a goodhearted grumble rather than annoyance.

Rodney yawned, knowing they ought to get cleaned up before they fell into complete lethargy and ended up spending the night all sticky and uncomfortable, and yet was unable to draw the strength needed to move. He felt too good. His limbs were heavy yet boneless, his muscles relaxed with none of the tension that followed him around all day and night. His eyelids felt heavy too, struggling to remain open as he yawned widely once more. He barely noticed the weight lifting from the bed, only becoming aware when a warm damp cloth landed on his belly.

"Hey, don't fall asleep on me. We need to get these wet sheets changed."

"Oh. Okay," he agreed around another yawn, slowly levering himself up and padding towards the bathroom to wash properly.

By the time he returned, the bed had been stripped and John was tucking in the fresh sheets. Rodney grinned as John flopped onto the bed on his back, with one hand reaching out towards Rodney in clear invitation. He could not recall the last time he snuggled up with anyone after sex but as John's arms surrounded him, forcing Rodney's head down upon his shoulder, it felt damn good. The earlier lethargy stole over him again and he snuggled deeper into John's embrace, feeling safer and more secure than he had in a long, long time, perhaps forever. His eyes closed to the rhythm of John's heart beating in one ear and his soft breathing in the other, knowing John would still be there when he woke.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to **Lynda** and the **2 Ocean View** team for the beta'ing the story. It wouldn't have been half as good without your input!


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